How would one define the word hideout? In the old western movies it was a cave where the gangster went to hide from the law. In some movies it is a closet where the woman tries to be unfound by a perp that is about to accost her. But, my hideout is simply my home. As one who has survived a Traumatic Brain Injury I am home most days now. It is my hideaway, my refuse from the storm of life of which I am a part of. As the world about me continues I am alone most days with my hobbies and the sounds of the television or radio.
I hideout from the overstimulation of the world. I hideout from those who see me in public and challenge me by asking if I have driven knowing that I have a TBI and had been asked not to. I am also challenged by those who wonder if I yet have an income (have gotten disability yet) and of my lawyer thinks I ever will. I hideout from the sounds of life; the rooms full of multiple voices, the yells of the person in traffic and the screaming parents in the store where I used to love to shop.
I hide out. I hide from most all of you; those who are going about life your typical day to day lives. Those of you who complain about having to go to work and about how your pay check just doesn’t cover all of the items you want. I hideout and wonder when or if I will ever see a pay check again. I try to use up things we have and do not shop like I used to. I don’t want to be a burden.
I am getting better at coming out of hiding from time to time. I like to be with people who see me as myself and not as a person with a disability. I like people who at least attempt to understand.
My hideout might not be forever, but for now it is where I feel safe. I am blessed to have my hideout and someone I love to share it with. I am not a villain in a movie or one hiding from a perp. I am just one who seems to be seeking where she fits in now she is not her old self. In time, I will come out of hiding and meet the challenge straight on. I am getting closer. But until, you know where I am at. I’m home in my little hideout.
Dedicated to all who have a TBI or care for someone who does