So Nervous about Dying

via Daily Prompt: Nervous

Nervous, so nervous. I had just overheard the doctor telling my family that I should be getting better by now. I had been on an IV diet for a week with no food or water and yet the pain remained. I began to think about so many things and my nerves were about shot. I could not get out of bed to take care of things that I felt I needed to do. I did not even have a cell phone to call those I loved to talk to them. All I could think of was how I wanted to be there to one day meet my sons’ loved ones and my possible grandchildren.  I wanted to live!

Then an odd thing happened. I was asleep and soon realized that I was floating above my body. I could actually see my form laying on the bed below me. Next,  I realized that I had no pain! There was no pain at all!   I began trying different things. I thought maybe I could fly  out of the room and down the hall to see other things.  I had been in that room for a long time. I tried but in that moment I went elsewhere.  I was back in the house I lived in as a small child. I could smell what was cooking in the kitchen, I could hear my mother’s voice and see my brother next to me watching the television. It was as if I had time traveled back in time to that location and then was whisked to another place and time with my brother. Each new place was experienced by all of my senses. Yet, I had no pain and I did not feel ill at all.  Those episodes lasted for a while until I was taken to a place where there was a valley with a lake. There were large hills behind it. Here I was met by something like a receiving line of people who had passed away. They were mostly people from my husband’s side of the family. One had on overalls and had a tool in his hand. He had loved to work on cars in his lifetime. Another one had a cow near him. He had been a farmer and had one cow he kept as a pet until it died of old age. I looked at them and they seemed to see me but we never approached one another.

It was then that I moved into the next part of the experience. I felt a love so pure that I cannot even tell you how it felt. The only thing ever close to it in this life was when I held my newborn sons and looked into their eyes for the first time ever. That pure love is one I will never forget. This was followed by a brief conversation about if I wanted to stay. I relayed to the one I was speaking with that I wanted to stay with my family. I didn’t feel it was my time yet. My husband had just lost his father and now I was so ill and possibly dying myself. How would he deal with all of that?  Finally, I felt as I was going back.

In a flash I was back in my room hovering over my body. Then, I fell back into the form on my bed and the pain, the anguish of my illness returned. I lay there trying to figure out what had just transpired as a nurse walked into the room.

Here I am now years later and I look back on that time in my life from time to time. I want you to know that I have seen that valley since then. I was at the funeral of my husband’s uncle in Southern Ohio and when we pulled into the cemetery I looked to the right and saw the hills and the valley. I about leaped out of the car right then and there. I listened to the prayers but all the while I was reading the names on the tombstones in the area. After the ceremony I talked to my spouse and he took me around the cemetery and walked with me to view the valley. This cemetery had so many from his heritage buried there. I had never seen that valley before that day, but it is forever engraved in my mind’s eye.

I am no longer nervous about dying. I know now that I will be in a place filled with a love so pure that I look forward to it. I want to be there one day with my family and loved ones. I want to see that valley and run into the arms of the grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and best friends and most of all our children lost in this life. Back then, I was so nervous about dying. But now I am so blessed as those nerves have been washed away and I am calm. Calm and blessed, what more could I ask for?

 

HUGZ2all  God bless!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author: tbi479/survivor

Recently diagnosed with a Traumatic Brain Injury following a roll over I had to leave my career as a Special Education teacher and move into the realm of the unemployed. Having now experienced the topic of a TBI from both sides I am moving into sharing my insights to help others. Teaching the students with a TBI gave me some awareness but not near what I have learned from walking a mile in their shoes. Being unable to teach I have thus committed myself to this blog and to helping how I am able. I hope you glean something from my posts. Love to all.

3 thoughts on “So Nervous about Dying”

  1. What a terrific, spiritual experience. Thank you for sharing this very personal part of you. It’s very liberating, isn’t it? I hope you have many more of these experiences. You have the ability in you to go here and anywhere else you wish to. Just picture that place in your mind and go there. It’s that simple. I wish you well on your inner journeys. You’re right. They are incredible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dave, I have had other experiences that I hope to share over time. I love my inner journeys. I also have the most vivid dreams – they are so neat! Do you have these things happen as well??

      Liked by 1 person

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