Anticipation of the Unknown

via Daily Prompt: Anticipate

Ramblings on the topic of anticipation of the future, the unknown:

Carly Simon’s song Anticipation begins with the following words,

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway 

So true, we think on the future most all days and wonder about what is to come. This week we have watched as Texas has been digging out from the massive floods and see that more trouble could be heading toward more in the US. We hear predictions of this and that. Turn the channel and hear yet another prediction or commentary on the prediction of someone else.  Some people are rushing to gather needs as they anticipate what will occur over the course of the next few days. Will it hit the East coast or the Gulf side? How strong of an impact the trail of terror impact us all? Will my loved ones be okay? Will my home and belongings be lost? What will happen?

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway 

So, what do you do when you want to know of the future and want some input from an outside source?  Do you turn on the news? Go online and research the topic? Visit a psychic?  Pray and ask God? Worry and think of every single possibility that might occur? Call your friends and ask them what they think will happen? Most people do one or more of those things. So much of the time we spend our moments in the future. Is it an attempt to control it? Does it give us a sense of security?

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway 

What about premonitions and dreams that we have to tell us of the future? Do they come true? Why do we have them? Those are good questions and I would love to have input from others on this topic.  I do not know the answer. But, I hope I am making you think. (In my opinion those are to not so much warn us of things to come but to be able to pray for those situations in advance to alter them to lessen the effects on all peoples.)

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway 

We are not in control of much. Especially not the future. Yes, we can do things to alter our direction but we cannot control what will happen with those things we do. Take for example the impact of flooding on the good people of Texas. Many had wonderful homes, vehicles, belongings and more. All gone. They had planned to be ready for the future with said items and now … nothing much is left. They will be lucky to have their insurance companies replace those items. Another example-  I had taken several classes to advance my career and now have a traumatic brain injury and cannot work.  I do not regret taking those courses and still wish I could use the education but I cannot.  What about the loss of a loved one? How many times have you wondered who will go first – you or your loved one?  We are not in control of that unless we break the law. That is written by God.  We are not in control of near as much as we would like to be.

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway 

Those days to come are going to come (unless we die) and will be filled with all kinds of life. There will be bad times, good times, happy times, and sad times. There will be days that will feel as if someone grabbled hold of your heart and ripped it out. There will be days when we will feel love overtake our beings and we will weep with joy. There is no song, no dreams, no time travel to let us know what will occur. We try to embrace those who will predict, those who seem to know and hold on tight to hope. Hope that we will guess correctly and that all will be as on the happy ending movies or in the TV shows of yesteryears. But more than that we fear that a bad thing will happen and at times we dwell on it.

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway …… even though what we think never comes true as we thought it would.  Live for today. Be in the moment and place the things of tomorrow in God’s hands. Your life will be so much happier if you do.

 

Infatuated with Life

via Daily Prompt: Enamored

 

Enamored, a word not often used in day to day verbiage.  Defined it means to be filled with a feeling of love, to be in love with, smitten by, or merely having a liking for something is to be enamored with something.

As a young woman I would have stated that I was infatuated with the love of my life, my spouse, and although that remains true I would not be here to love the man of my dreams without life. Life, a word with only four letters and such a large meaning.  To have life, to breathe, to sustain a way of living is not a given. It is a day to day gifting.

Only yesterday a dear friend underwent an eight hour surgery. She is resting now and healing from the endeavor and she is alive. Alive to be with her family yet another day. Breathing and taking in air, enjoying a breakfast that only a hospital can make. 🙂 She has been given the opportunity as have all of us to reach out and touch people in a new way. As one who is fighting back at breast cancer she is a stronghold of the culture within we live. So many have fought the battle against cancer, so many have won the battle against death with accidents, illnesses, and on and on the list could go.  I have survived a few things myself but today I choose to focus on the fact that I live for a purpose, a reason.

What is that reason? I live to serve. I live to serve God and his church. I live to serve those who long to know more about what it is like to live with a TBI.  I live to love my friends and family.  I am infatuated with life.

This morning as I rose from slumber I came right to my PC to go onto Facebook. I knew that a post would have been made concerning the well being of my dear friend. A photo of she and her daughter greeted me as I slid down the page of entries. In that moment I knew she was okay. Joy entered my heart as I knew I would be able to talk to her again soon. We would be able to come together and make handmade cards for those we love and speak of our lives. We would form more memories and explore our lives. I am thankful for that opportunity.

In a few hours I will venture out to celebrate a birthday with someone who was in the rollover accident with me. We will celebrate another year of life. I will look at her and recall those moments wherein we were not sure we would make it. She will look at me and do the same. Then we will embrace and know that we are blessed to be here. To celebrate yet another year, to be there with those we love, and to serve.  To live, to celebrate life and to be enamored by all of its possibilities.

 

Rhyme and Rhythm is Gone

via Daily Prompt: Rhyme

 

There is a rhythm to life that seems to stand upon the threshold of time. It is one that takes us through the days, the weeks, the years until we meet the maker of our life. Rhyme and rhythm are a part of us. The synchronization of the hours, the days, tick away in a unison of ups, and downs with the syncopation, the sound, of our heart beat ever strong within us. There is a certain rhythm to life. One that goes on for years, or days at a time. Get up, go to work, eat dinner, watch t.v., go to bed – over and over until the rhythm changes and we shift into a new form of life. One without rhyme. One without that familiar rhythm and reason and we scream from within trying to figure out what is going on. The new loss of rhyme and reason makes us yearn for the past and all it entailed. Even if it was no longer what we held dear it was our normal. It was who we were. Grasping onto anything we can we move forward trying to get back into any kind of pattern.  Time passes. We see all others around us yet in their patterns as we once had. We are jealous that we cannot succeed at doing the same. We move on. Time passes and we yearn for some kind of norm. Something that we can predict and draw upon. It is coming. Wait. It will come.

Homage to God and Nobody Else

via Daily Prompt: Homage

 

As days pass and the years go by I seem to see many things in a different light. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I have survived near death. Perhaps it is just a normal part of aging.  Either way it is something that needs to be respected in our American culture (but seems to not be). With that said I wish to pay homage to the lessons my God has shown me. I hope that you glean something from this blog. It is why I write.

Lesson 1 – People who you think are your friends will use you for the sake of gossip. There I said it. I hated to tell you that one, but it is true. How do I know? I used to talk to someone almost every day. Our conversations could go on for an hour or more. But, I came to realize that as she spoke to me she slandered, or cut down, the people in her life that she called her friends. After years of hearing this I thought to myself, “I wonder if she does the same thing with what I tell her about my life?” If she were in fact talking to me to get information to tell them!  I began cutting back on telling her things and grew more and more sure of the fact that she was. I hated that I had fallen for that. I was a part of a gossip roundup – gathering and spreading the herds of data – manure and all. Since that realization I have decided to keep my mouth shut more than I used to. I have given up gossiping and use words to edify more than I did back then. People will use you. You have to set boundaries. If you don’t you will have repercussions.

Lesson 2 –  Private matters should be discussed with someone who is a counselor or trained to help you sort it all out. This is a follow up to number one. Confide in those who must keep your private matters private. I have gone to a counselor and not am ashamed to admit it. I know that they have taken an oath and will guide you. Friends and family on the other hand might think they know what is best and want to help but they are not always right. I lean on God and pray more than anything now to get my answers.

Lesson 3- Set boundaries with those who need it – I am not real good at this yet, but I am trying. I have people in my life who seem to think that they can tell me what to think even though what they think it completely opposite of who I am. I cannot do as they wish nor will I. To me, if I do as they tell me to do they become a sort of false God. Especially when they are telling me to do things that are not in agreement with the Bible.  I set boundaries and will listen to the one true God, not anyone who is a wolf is sheep’s clothing.

Lesson 4- When You Change People Will Not See it and Think You Are Still the Old You – Change takes time. I have changed but most still see me as the old me. I let her go a while ago. I am a new me dedicated to God. It is okay that people do not see it. That is not what matters. What matters is that God sees the new me.

Lesson 5- People will judge you even though they have no right to – It is a natural thing – to judge others for whatever reason. Maybe your eyes are a different color or you are in a wheelchair. Maybe it is something not physical but spiritual as you are of a varied faith. The reason is not important. It is the action that is taking place. Judge not lest ye be judged. Speak words of love, not judgement. If you are offended by someone pray for them. But more than anything, if someone judges you do not let it bother you. By doing so you give them control over your feelings. Focus on what God knows to be true. That is the only thing that is important.

 

I used to give homage to so many things. Those were the things that I spent an enormous amount of time on. Now, I choose to give homage to God and what he asks me to do. Homage to God as his disciple is not always an easy path to choose. But I choose it.

 

 

Magnets – Small Bits of Inspiration

via Daily Prompt: Magnetic

A dear fried was explaining to me that she was going to have a mastectomy. Cancer had invaded her body and therefore removal of one breast and the reduction of the other had become something needing to be done. I listened as she explained the procedure including the part where a magnet would be placed into her breast during the surgery. At that point my TBI brain went aloof as to why a magnet was being placed in there. My brain was yet trying to understand all that she would have to endure.

We had not known each other long, less than a year, but this dear friend had become the one to drive me to most all of my appointments for therapy etc. When we had met her health was good, not great, and we talked of many things. Don’t get me wrong, our talks are wide in breadth but we do speak of our health issues with one another. It is as if God placed us together to help each of us deal with the hand we have been dealt. Anyway, back to the topic. As I sat listening to her it dawned on me that we each have storms in our lives. We have those mountains to climb and we have those times of pure joy.  With some storms you can reach out to those who have had a similar experience and with others it is not so easy. So many have suffered cancer and its impact on their body and the soul. But, as for me, I have not met so many with a TBI. To be able to hear from those who are victims of a common thing might be comforting in some ways.

This morning as my dear friend and I chatted on Facebook I watched a news story about a local race for the cure. Cancer was the cause of this race and the people were helping raise funds for research etc.  My TBI mind began to wander. It began to ask itself if there are races etc for the cause of those with a TBI. I would hope so. Looking online I find a bowling for the cause idea and that the Veterans get help as well. That was a good start! In the end I realized that I have an opportunity to attempt to be a spokesperson for the cause of those with a TBI and their loved ones. There are so many of us. It is not to say that the other causes are not good, it is not that at all. I am now connected to this cause. My dear friend is connected to her cause. It is what we know. It is what we live.

Tomorrow my friend will have a magnet placed into her body and it will be a part of her forever.  In addition, she has the means to be a magnetic personality for the cause of cancer. She will be able to help those in need of assistance if she so chooses. As for me, I am going to choose to do the same for the cause of those with a TBI.  I am going to choose to begin to seek ways to help with the cause and help others understand the ramifications of a TBI.  There are so many who have not a clue about what we endure with this injury as a part of who we are. They cannot see it, so we must be fine. My friend and her circumstances has inspired me to reach out to others. To be like a magnet in the sea of people wanting to learn and to help. I am so thankful for her in many ways.

God, I ask that you be with my friend as she undergoes her surgery tomorrow. I ask that you guide us in the days to come. Thank you for helping me to be able to serve you and to be a magnet for those in need. I thank you that my life did not end in that accident. I am beginning to see why. Help me as I go forth. Amen.

 

 

 

The Eclipse of My Being

Today as most focus on the eclipse of the sun I will be mostly inside. My TBI brain’s reaction to the light is extreme and so I will be only glancing up from time to time. Therefore, today I choose to focus on the eclipse with a twist on the content. I hope it helps illuminate my life and what is has become.

 

Full sun – The morning of the day of my accident and my entire life previous – Yes, there had been clouds and things along the way but my mind had its full potential and I was working in a field that I loved. I was bright, intelligent, able to learn and knew where I was going. I was on a path for the future that entailed enlightening young people in the classroom. I was a light for my grandchildren and dreamed of the day when I would be able to come visit them more often when I retired. I was traveling abroad and doing missions work as well. I was happy and my future was bright.

 

partially covered –   On the afternoon of the day of my accident the light within me began to become covered. I was throwing up and my head was killing me. I had been cut out of a vehicle and strapped to a board then loaded into the first of two ambulances that would take me to a  trauma center. Here I had the first tests and began the trek that would last for longer than I could ever imagine. My world began to shift into going to therapy and seeing doctors to help me be able to go back to work and to survive the pain of life. My life was still partially lit at that time as I truly believed that I would be able to teach again.  I went back to work for almost a complete year but began to realize that doing so was exhausting. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and entering a hospital to deal with the fact that I was having issues with being able to work. But, the light was still there as I truly believed that I would be able to complete my career and teach for another 5 – 10 years.  I was fighting to move forward but it did not work.

My heart ached as I wanted to return to teaching and my school gave me the chance to tutor. It was then that I began to realize that multiple sounds in the room were quite distracting and I could not comprehend the material before me. Previously I had been using material I had been familiar with in previous years. It had been stored in my long term memory. But, anything new was not there to retrieve from. My short term memory was messed up.  As I began going to a new therapy place they revealed to me other areas of concern. It was here that I learned that my brain had not always let me know when I should not be doing things, like driving. My brain had experienced a diffused injury – not a localized one. They explained that a stroke is many times in one area of the brain. But, my injury was as if it had been shot with a pellet gun. The damage was all over the place and miniscule. The routes that various things had to take to get the messages to and from the brain were damaged. We were going to work on attempting to reroute some of them. My darkest hours were when it was suggested I not drive and when I was told that I would never teach again, not even part time. That crushed me. Not only would I ever return to my career but I would also not be able to drive to visit my grandchildren.  I sank into a deep depression and stayed home for months without even changing into street clothes. I began going through the house ridding myself of any memories of my days of teaching and giving things away that reminded me of my losses. As I cleaned out the house I was mostly unable to go visit the school. It tore at my heart to see the kids and answer their questions as to why I was not there. But, it also hurt to see how my co-workers seemed to not even care about my life and what it had become. I hurt in so many ways. I was feeling sorry for myself and attempting to bury the old me. I had even thought if having a funeral and ridding myself of thins from the old me. I sold my classic car. I hated to see her go. I threw out clothes I had work to work.  I became more negative and dark as time progressed. I had no dreams. I had no visions. I had lost my light. I was dark and soaked in all of its glory. I did not want to come out and try to find the new me and I did not like to be pushed to do so.

Light is returning – As I climb out of the death of my old self and move forward I am finding new ways to serve. I realize that I can tell others of my story through blogging, and I can serve from home on my PC for short bursts. I do crafts and talk to people more than I had for a while  but I am still in a muddled mess of letting go of the old me. I did go over to the school the other day and talked to one person that was there. I will return to full light one day. I know that God is with me and he is guiding me there.

As you watch the eclipse today know that for many it is a symbol of their lives as well. The darkness has enveloped so many of us at stages of our lives but then with the aid of many things we seem to move out and come back into the light once again.

 

( I was able to view it from time to time through a welding mask – I am so glad I could see the eclipse)

 

Wailing Wall :Weekly Photo – Historical

This is a picture that I took of the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. This shot is primarily focused on the men’s side of the prayer area. There are head coverings available to borrow in this area. The women pray in the area to the right. Both have areas where you wash your hands as you enter. Inside you may pray near the wall and place prayer requests onto small pieces of paper that you have folded up. It is amazing to see the amount of prayers placed here in this sacred spot. HUGZ2all  God bless

Immerse Yourself

via Daily Prompt: Immerse

Immersion has more than one definition. One definition is to involve oneself deeply in a particular activity or interest.  Another is to dip or submerge in a liquid. Odd how in faith we may have done both.

Baptism is an example of immersion in some faiths.  I have been lucky enough to have been submerged by a man of God at the River Jordan as others witnessed my cleansing. That was something that took but a few minutes yet meant so much to my walk of faith. But, I dare say, that was the easy part of immersion in my walk with faith. The other definition, the one that involves going deeply into an interest is much harder.

Immersion, that daily walk with my faith is something I do okay at some days and not so well on other days. The ability to walk with Christ daily seems to be a challenge as there are other things that seem to get in the way. Our modern world offers up so many things that entertain us and keep us busy. Television and radio are two of them. Having heard sermon after sermon on how we spend more time with both of these things than with God I began to realize that I had what some may call false Gods in my life. So, I began to change how I viewed media. I began to seek ways to shift from the cultural influences on both to the spiritual ones. I now watch and listen to Christian channels more than I ever had. I have even discovered a Jewish channel and have found programs out of Israel that show places I had visited while there as well as new locations. I am now able to immerse myself in things of faith daily. It is not a perfect answer but it is a start.

Immersing myself into a prayerful life is another area wherein I have found small ways to make a difference in my daily walk. I now pray while in the car, while I sew, or when I walk out to get the mail. I have found that my mind is becoming better at flipping into prayer in my mind than it had before. Immersing myself in prayer helps me to obtain the goal of praying unceasingly. I may never master this, but I am making an effort and am seeing progress. I know God sees it as well.

Immersion has more than one definition and if you attempt to follow it faithfully it has more than one challenge in your life. Look for the little things that you can change in order to walk with him more closely. Immerse yourself in his word and listen when he speaks to you. He will help you. HUGZ. God bless.

Hidden in the Pattern

via Daily Prompt: Pattern

Years ago pictures like the one above were quite popular. Most folks could look at the image, the pattern, and a new picture would emerge from amongst the lines. At that moment you would hear the viewer announce to the world what they saw. But, I never could figure those things out. I would stare, follow tips of those who could master the task, and do all I could think of but I could never see anything more than the pattern in front of my face. I never could see the essence of the picture, its soul.  But for all who could see the essence of the picture they always announced the same found item. It was never argued, never debated, there was one answer. Each pattern held one hidden image. Some could see it. Some could not.

There are other things like those patterns on our world. We look at them and one can see the soul of the meaning hidden in the image or the words but others cannot. But the difference is that with most other things we do not ever agree on what is hidden in the pattern if we can see it. Take for instance, this BLOG. Not one person will totally agree with another person who reads this why I wrote it or what the essence of the article is. This is because we have varied backgrounds that help us filter things we find in our lives. It is not as simple as those magic pictures.

Take a look at this image. What do you see? Is there anything hidden that pops out at you? Are there things that remind you of patterns in the world or in your life?

 

Looking at people can be dissected in the same way as looking at those magic images. When we look at a person some people see the brilliance in them pop out like it is magic before their eyes. Others see the good, or the bad, or judge them by how they look or dress. What did you surmise about this young person from the times of the depression? How would you react to them if you saw someone like them on the streets of today? Would you see the same as everyone else who saw the same image?

My challenge to you today is to see in all you experience the magic. Look for the good in all that God has created. Find the good in people you meet. It is there. I pray that the good in all may pop out at you and may you see all through the eyes of God. Patterns in our world and in our lives can shift. Shift your daily patterns toward seeing magic in all.

God bless. HUGZ

 

 

Observations of Nuances of Faith

via Daily Prompt: Nuance

 

Have you ever watched those of faith as they go about their day to day living? How do they act in relation to others? How do they act at church?  Or maybe when in the church working or volunteering, how do they act then? In our minds we may think that they all act the same. But, do they?

I am a people watcher. I learn a lot about people in that way. I love to watch how they react to certain circumstances and to certain people. Take for example a Christian meeting someone who uses the Lords name in vain. Some of them simply go on and attempt to ignore what just occurred. Others join in with the same type of talk and do not seem to be aware. Then there are those who bless the person privately and ask God to be with them and to guide them to not do so.  Each one goes to church on Sunday. Each one professes faith to their God, but their reactions differ.

Judgement of others is another big area. I love to watch people as they serve those in need.  Most are caring and loving. They are tender to those in need and lift them up and use words that edify. Yet, I have also met those who scorn them behind their backs and accuse them of things that are not always true. They judge them.  All people need our love and our understanding. All are created in the image of God just as we are.

I am not writing this as to condemn people of faith. I am writing this as a tool for you to think about your actions. How do you act when out and about the world? How do you act while at work? How do you react to someone who is different than you are?  How about how you treat those in need? We are all human. We are all sinners. Yet, we can look at our actions and how they must seem to those about us.

Subtle nuances of our actions, our words, our ways are seen by all. Are you a dollar a week, an hour a week Christian or do you act like what you believe in at all times? During this season of Lent ask God to reveal to you the areas of need in your life. I know he has revealed many to me. May God be with you on this journey we call life. I wish you many good things. HUGZ  God bless you.